atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
