dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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