put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
