help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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