I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
People in love make me want to vomit
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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