Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
