Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
