I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
