I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
