if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
