I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
