oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
