I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
