Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
