Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
