Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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