chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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