It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
