I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
