it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
