I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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