is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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