If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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