I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
