She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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