so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
