Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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