I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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