when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
