I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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