theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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