my vag is so smooth its legendary
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
