I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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