Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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