she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
