Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
