it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
