Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
