half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just want nice things and good sex
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
