Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
There's always time for handjobs
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
