there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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