Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
