According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
How does one acquire holy water?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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