my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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