When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
