I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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