I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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