Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
These tits shall not be calmed
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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