They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
