i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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