Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
