ya dads aren't the best wingmen
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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