just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
