i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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