Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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