Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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