so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
