Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
