Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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