Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
