Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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