so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
