is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Found the puke drawer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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