I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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