brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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