He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
