Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Randomize
