just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
