dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
