Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
