I think i peed on brittanys purse
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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