I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
