Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
